The Beauty of Fridays

I love my Fridays!  They begin way too early, but it’s so worth it!  My church has a women’s early morning prayer each week, and it’s the highlight of my week.  I had the most delightful time driving to school this morning.  This beautiful song started just as I drove over a hill and the beauty of the music and landscape took my breath away.  All I could see were the mountains standing so beautifully on the horizon cloaked in wisps of mist.  The colors of mountain, mist, and sky contrasted so beautifully as the music proclaimed, “Lord I’ve heard of Your fame, I stand in awe of Your deeds.”  Oh!  Awe filled my heart, overflowing awe! 

From Whirlwinds to Merry-go- Rounds/ Peace in Waiting

There has been a lack of posting recently, and I was trying to decide why.  It’s not that I’m to busy to do a few things I enjoy, like writing; and I have had plenty to write.  It’s that my life seems to be a whirlwind right now.  I can’t exactly tell you what I’ve been doing or how I’ve been the past weeks because it seems it changes hourly.  Just when I think I’ve settled in something good, I change.  And just when it seems I’m moving on to something completely different, I find myself back at the start.  It’s the same starting point daily.  Thus, I’m riding a whirlwind going in circles!  Somehow, I’m not bothered by that like I typically would be.  It’s more as if I am on a merry-go-round, ridding up and down on beautiful animals in time to the music.  Everything’s cheery.  At the same time, it remains a whirr of grayness with no distinctions, a whirlwind.

Here’s a typical day. 

Pray without ceasing

1 Thessalonians 5:17 gives a command that seems impossible and has troubled many people.  How do we pray without ceasing when many things require our attention through the day?  And how do we pray while we sleep?  This command seems impossible.  This has always troubled me.  The more I tasted the sweetness of God’s presence in worship, the more I hated to go back to life as usual.  I wrote last year about that struggle.  I guess this has been a journey over several years and God was marking me then with the desire to be with Him at all times.  This summer just added one clue as to how that verse is lived out practically.

“The most holy and necessary practice in our spiritual life is the presence of God.  That means finding constant pleasure in His divine company, seeking Him humbly and lovingly with Him in all seasons, at every moment, without limiting the conversation in any way.”

Life Is Beautiful for those in Love

My summer has been a beautiful story.  God wrote it before I was born, and I can just imagine that He has been waiting in heaven anticipating this time!  From all 14 hours of the Call to all 30 days in Kansas City, God planned each moment and it was perfect!  He has awakened my heart to such a deeper level and I feel more alive and at peace than ever before.

At the Call, Misty Edwards sang the words, “How far will you let me go, how abandoned will you let me be.”  I have prayed those words often, and they have a deep meaning to me.  When I pray that, I am thinking along the lines of, “God, I desire to give everything to You, but I am unfaithful.  I need Your faithfulness to keep me committed.  I am too weak to stay committed to any vow I make, so what level of consecration will You give me grace to follow through with?  What will you give me the grace to surrender to You?  How much grace will You give me to fast?  How much grace will You give me to pray?  I am wandering out on the limb of radical consecration, how far out can I go, knowing that You will hold me up and this branch won’t break?”  I hate making rash vows and being unable to fulfill them in my human weakness.  But if God calls me to a new level of surrender, He will give me the grace to sustain it.

Staying Awake…

My thoughts tonight are about how we should live in this time in history.  I just read that Dave Sliker is writing his second book, so I finally opened up his first book and it really made me think.  Somehow, I had forgotten one of the things most ingrained in me.  Unlike most people, I have been taught from my earliest memories that I will most likely see the return of Jesus in my lifetime.  I had read revelation twice before my 12th birthday.  Over the past two years, I have rearranged my priorities in a way to consider the soon return of Jesus and eternity.  But as I read End-Times Simplified, I realized how far I have gotten from this reality.  I used to pray with tears so often for Jesus to return to earth and establish justice.  But I can’t even remember the last time my heart has been moved like that.

Busyness

It’s so easy to lose sight of who I am before God.  I have been very busy the past few days and unable to spend focused time with Jesus.  I always wrestle through this.  The way my schedule is set up, I have several days of free time then several days with no extra time at all.  My heart is so weak that during the busy times I get distracted and forget about God.  I revert back to the patterns I used to follow before I fell in love with Jesus.  Then I have spare time, but my heart is burdened with the things of the world and I have so much trouble turning my attention to heaven.  I know I should, but my desire is gone.

How do I forget so easily that my life has a purpose?  My actions are not meaningless, it all counts towards loving God in a deeper way.  God, give me grace to remember Your love even when I’m busy and to not be caught up in the spirit of this world.  Keep my eyes focused on You, Jesus.

From grumpy to humility

Earlier today I was reading Robin’s blog  where she mentioned being grumpy and I wondered when it would hit me.  Well I didn’t have to wait long!  I could hardly bring myself to say a word at work tonight, and now I’m afraid if anyone disturbs me I might just bit their head off.  That’s definitely not the character God is trying to build in me.  But I’ve asked Him to teach me humility, and seeing my grumpy sinful heart keeps me desperate for Him.  Earlier today I was able to spend several hours studying Song of Solomon, and it relates to this.  That’s one amazing book!

Quiet Friendship

Today has been the most wonderful start to this fast.  My whole schedule was cleared, there was absolutely nothing I had to do!  It was a rare occasion, so I seized the opportunity to spend the day in my bedroom, armed with Bible, journal, Pursuit of the Holy, the Rewards of Fasting, and Mick Bickle’s teaching on the Song of Solomon.  It’s been wonderful.

Daily Goals Before God

Tonight was the prayer cast where many Christian leaders gathered to launch the 40 day fast leading up to the Call Nashville.  It was amazing to watch online and join our small group in Tennessee with people praying around the country.  The fast begins in 2 days, and I have been trying to prepare myself.  Everyone has said to set clear goals for the fast.  About a month ago, when I first got sucked into reading blogs, Shawn Blanc had a project for setting daily goals for maturity in God.  It’s been in the back of my mind since then, trying to figure out what my goals would be.  Finally I sat down and wrote out some thoughts.  I don’t know how these will live out, but they are my goals for the next 40 days, and hopefully many more after that.

The Storm

Where is truth found?  Is it in the textbooks of universities, or the experiments of scientists?  Is it in the ruling of courts and the doctrines of men?  Where is it found when your world falls apart?  When the storm presses in and the sea rages around, everything thing churns, flips, spins, shifts.  Is there an absolute, anything solid to cling to?  All beliefs, hopes, securities are but the railing of the ship, a ship that spins like a top.  There is no end to the raging monster tossing it around, the sea of life consumes it.  Is there a rock jutting up towards the sky?  Is there solid ground in this expanse of water?  There must be!  Because those who have gone before say that there is.  Their story tells us that the Rock offers refuge, relief from battling the sea.  They say it is worth fighting the storm so that on the other side you can cherish the Rock of Protection.  Without the storm as a contrast, you would not know the peace found in standing firm.  The battles of life are worth it because when you find the place of peace, the Rock of Salvation, then you will know what it means to be protected and the power of Him who saves you.  He is the only One that makes sense in the darkest storms.  So fight.  Fight hard towards the Rock, battle the storm until God gives you the peace of finding that He is your Refuge and you cannot be moved.

 “I will love You, O Lord, my strength.  The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust… I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies… In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears… He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters… The Lord was my support.  He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me… The Lord lives!  Blessed be my Rock!  Let the God of my salvation be exalted.”  Psalm 18

I wrote this out of tears and a heart breaking for so many of my friends.  It’s disillusioning to see those you love in the middle of a storm and not know how to help them.  I watched this movie tonight about a fishing ship caught in the middle of a hurricane.  The boat was tossed and turned until you hardly knew which way was up.  Everything spun and nothing was stable.  The imagery is perfect for what I see my friends going through.  I want to help people in that situation, some how to point them towards the solid ground.  But I’m just beginning to find it in my own storms.  All I can do is write and proclaim that Jesus is the only solid ground.