The Name

Blessed are You, Lord of Eternity!  God of Mercy and Unknowable Love!  You have reached down and chosen me out of humanity.  Thank You!  I can never thank You enough for Your mercy!  I am unworthy, but You are worthy for me to give my life to forever!  There is no one like You, so I give my all to You.  I am unworthy.  But You, Great God, Omnipotent Trinity, You counted me worthy of Your very life.  Oh!  Such depths of love that I have never known!  If You count me worthy of being purchased into this love, at the cost of Your blood, then let me know who You are.

Love, Truth, Wisdom, I want to know You.  Holy, cleanse my heart and all my ways, set me apart, pure unto You.  Love, let me see through Your eyes and be moved with Your heart to act as You act.  Truth, teach me to love You above all else, above offence, above comfort, above men’s opinions; teach me Your ways that I may walk as You walk.  Wisdom, be my closest friend, advise me in all my ways, and make my heart attentive to Your voice.

Justice, Humility, Power, Righteous, Grace, Mercy, Peace.  Because of the delightful fragrance of Your name, the virgins love You.  Your name is poured forth like a fragrant oil spilling from a bottle.  Nothing hinders the manifestation of who You are.  It is a sweet, intoxicating fragrance.  The pure in heart love You because of Your name.  They see who You are and praise You with uprightness of heart.  Oh how I love Your name!  Blessed is the Lord, God of heaven and earth!  He reveals His heart, and it is good!  He will never change, in Love He comes to the humble!  Holy, holy, holy is He!  There is truly none like Him!  Who can search out all His ways to make them known?  Yet all that He does is good and done in love.  The way He sees me, His faithfulness in times passed, His purpose for my future, all His ways are too great for me to know!  So I love You, it is right to do so.

The Beauty of Fridays

I love my Fridays!  They begin way too early, but it’s so worth it!  My church has a women’s early morning prayer each week, and it’s the highlight of my week.  I had the most delightful time driving to school this morning.  This beautiful song started just as I drove over a hill and the beauty of the music and landscape took my breath away.  All I could see were the mountains standing so beautifully on the horizon cloaked in wisps of mist.  The colors of mountain, mist, and sky contrasted so beautifully as the music proclaimed, “Lord I’ve heard of Your fame, I stand in awe of Your deeds.”  Oh!  Awe filled my heart, overflowing awe! 

From Whirlwinds to Merry-go- Rounds/ Peace in Waiting

There has been a lack of posting recently, and I was trying to decide why.  It’s not that I’m to busy to do a few things I enjoy, like writing; and I have had plenty to write.  It’s that my life seems to be a whirlwind right now.  I can’t exactly tell you what I’ve been doing or how I’ve been the past weeks because it seems it changes hourly.  Just when I think I’ve settled in something good, I change.  And just when it seems I’m moving on to something completely different, I find myself back at the start.  It’s the same starting point daily.  Thus, I’m riding a whirlwind going in circles!  Somehow, I’m not bothered by that like I typically would be.  It’s more as if I am on a merry-go-round, ridding up and down on beautiful animals in time to the music.  Everything’s cheery.  At the same time, it remains a whirr of grayness with no distinctions, a whirlwind.

Here’s a typical day. 

Joy

Like the singing birds or bubbling brooks, it is spontaneous and unhindered by shame.  The weightless flight of a butterfly and a baby’s carefree laugh display its freedom from pressure.  Loose yourself in it like a little girl dancing in fields of summer wildflowers.  The shadows in doubt’s forest will not overcome the sunshine of your smile.  Let yourself be taken away by it, as a dandelion flying in the wind.  That wind is God’s Spirit, and the joy He gives is a gift.  When He gives it to the weary soul, it is like the sweet juice of apples.  When you’re weary, dive into it like a mountain stream on a hot day.  Let it fall on your face like a summer’s rain.  God gives it to be your strength in life.  When you are sad, trust in joy.  God is faithful that in your gloom, He will smile.  And with a “Ho! Ho! Ho!” and a deep belly laugh, Jesus will put joy in your heart.  So laugh on occasion like no one is watching.  Sing with a heart set free.  And smile as one in love.

Spontanious worship in English Class

In Your presence my heart finds rest.  I am at peace.  Contentment permeates my being.  This feeling never fades, it will remain long after the earth has crumbled.  For this feeling is You.  And You never fade.  You are my everything and I am satisfied in You!

Ecclesiastes pt. 1- Eternity

God has placed eternity in our hearts (Ecc. 3:11).  With strife and anxiety, we try to reckon that place in us with temporal activities.  Eternal life is to know the only true God and Jesus Christ whom He sent (John 17:3).  The ability and desire is set in our hearts to know this Being who is first introduced as Creator and this Man who is the very essence of love.  Rightly may we call Him simply Love.

What does this One create?  All we see, that we know for sure.  But what things that we cannot see?  For a Creator is always at the work of creating.  Always something new, He creates.  His creations are never copies of old things.  To create, He pulls from the bottomless pool of who He is.  He never lacks resources of ideas, therefore creating will never end.  Creation mirrors its Maker, therefore, to know His work is to know Him.  Yet “no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end…  I know that whatever God does, it shall be forever.  Nothing can be added to it, and nothing taken from it.  God does it, that men should fear before Him” (Ecc. 3:11, 14).

Should we tremble, knowing not what He’s about?  Should we bow down in reverence and tremble before Him lest we stir up His anger with our lack of respect?  Should we serve Him with fear and follow His commands lest He should come and destroy us?  Yes!  And our hearts should tremble even more!  Should we come into His presence boldly?  Should we dare to come before Him after stumbling as a child and coming up with our hands muddy with sin?  Yes!  And come with great confidence!  For the eternity in our hearts is not just to know the awesome, unknowable Creator.  We are also made to search for and know Love.  He is One and the Same as our Maker, before whom we tremble.  We can fear before Him, for perfect Love casts out fear (1 John 4:18).

Father, I approach Your throne.  I see Your glorious splendor, the fierceness of lightening and terrifying sounds coming from Your Being.  You are veiled from me by light and color.  I dare to approach You, the Unknowable One, because You have revealed Yourself in the Man Jesus, the Man Love.  You said that You will not remember anger forever.  There will be a day when You forget Your wrath (Psalm 103:9).  But Your mercy endures forever (Psalm 136).  I dare to approach Your fierce glory, because I know behind the veil, Your heart is soft towards me.  So I come before You boldly and confidently gaze upon You with the eyes of my heart.  I stand here weak and having sinned.  We both know I’m weak in my commitment; remember, I’m a work in progress, being conformed into Your faithfulness.  So for now, hold me in Your faithfulness.  Hold me tomorrow and give me grace to do better.  I know tomorrow my heart will be even more moved to devotion towards You, for Your mercy is new every morning.  I love You, Daddy!  I lean into Your love, placing full trust in You.

Life Is Beautiful for those in Love

My summer has been a beautiful story.  God wrote it before I was born, and I can just imagine that He has been waiting in heaven anticipating this time!  From all 14 hours of the Call to all 30 days in Kansas City, God planned each moment and it was perfect!  He has awakened my heart to such a deeper level and I feel more alive and at peace than ever before.

At the Call, Misty Edwards sang the words, “How far will you let me go, how abandoned will you let me be.”  I have prayed those words often, and they have a deep meaning to me.  When I pray that, I am thinking along the lines of, “God, I desire to give everything to You, but I am unfaithful.  I need Your faithfulness to keep me committed.  I am too weak to stay committed to any vow I make, so what level of consecration will You give me grace to follow through with?  What will you give me the grace to surrender to You?  How much grace will You give me to fast?  How much grace will You give me to pray?  I am wandering out on the limb of radical consecration, how far out can I go, knowing that You will hold me up and this branch won’t break?”  I hate making rash vows and being unable to fulfill them in my human weakness.  But if God calls me to a new level of surrender, He will give me the grace to sustain it.

At Last!

Our long awaited trip is here!  We leave in the morning for Nashville.  We are getting there a little early for no particular reason besides excitement!  My mom is expecting us to meet up with groups of people to pray, but as of right now, we don’t know those people!  God will work it all out, and I’m thrilled.  Friday night, my dad will join Emily, my mom, and I; then Saturday is the Call.  As if that isn’t enough excitement for one weekend, we then drive on to Kansas City and STI starts Sunday night!  Needless to say, I will be very busy the next month at ihop.  They hardly give us enough time to sleep, but I will try to sneak some time to bog if I get the chance.  For now, I better rest before the excitement begins!

Some random thoughts for you

Summer does interesting things to my mind.  There are thousands of things scattering around in circles in my mind, here are a few:

• Why do I write?  When I write on paper it just collects in notebooks, the notebooks collect on book shelves.  When I write on computer, it just collects in the archives.  Either way, my thoughts seem to get lost, and there’s never enough time to read old writings.  The answer: I know God wants to use my writing, so I write for practice.  Besides that, there is no other way my brain can sort things out!
• Life is short.  Time goes really fast.  This past year has speed by.  I can hardly believe it’s gone already, and yet I never imagined one year could change me so much.  I seem to say that every year.  I can not dream where I will be in a year.  But I imagine I will be right here, sorting through the past year and preparing to move from Tennessee.  But who am I to guess?  There’s no telling what God might change in the next 365 days.  But life goes fast, and eternity is quickly approaching.

Father’s Day

This morning our pastor preached a wonderful message on Father God.  He showed God’s heart that pursues each human heart.  When we see that God pursues us even in our sin, we can be confident and secure in that love.  He pointed out the importance of a Father’s loving influence.  Human Fathers mirror God’s loving acceptance, and it’s important for Fathers to be the ones teaching God’s love to their children by example.

I have had a hard year with my dad.  A lot of pressure is on our relationship as I am changing and growing up.  His plans for my life and my plans have collided this year as we come closer to my graduation.  Through in a lot of extra pressure in each of our personal lives this year, and it has not been the best for our relationship.  But as I listened to our preacher close up the sermon with a prayer for us to know the Father’s love, I could not help crying and thinking about my dad.