There has been a lack of posting recently, and I was trying to decide why. It’s not that I’m to busy to do a few things I enjoy, like writing; and I have had plenty to write. It’s that my life seems to be a whirlwind right now. I can’t exactly tell you what I’ve been doing or how I’ve been the past weeks because it seems it changes hourly. Just when I think I’ve settled in something good, I change. And just when it seems I’m moving on to something completely different, I find myself back at the start. It’s the same starting point daily. Thus, I’m riding a whirlwind going in circles! Somehow, I’m not bothered by that like I typically would be. It’s more as if I am on a merry-go-round, ridding up and down on beautiful animals in time to the music. Everything’s cheery. At the same time, it remains a whirr of grayness with no distinctions, a whirlwind.
Here’s a typical day. I wake up immediately thinking about duties for the day or random stresses or vanities. Before I’ve finished showering, I suddenly with guilt remember the Lord. My heart turns to Him and I set goals for seeking Him that day. Before long, I become consumed with tasks and forget there is anything beyond the next ten minutes. After a couple of hours, I remember my Eternal Companion. I return to loving Him and enjoy such peace and joy that I’m overwhelmed with God. But soon I am distracted again…. and so on.
I would be discouraged in my lack of focus, except my heart still feels so alive in Christ. He keeps me firmly in His hand and will not let me wander for long. Another part of my whirlwind is the variety of things I’ve been meditating on. For awhile, I was stuck in Ecclesiastes where I meditated on eternity, the vanity of this life, and what will last. I have parts two and three of that series written, I just need to think a little more on them and edit the finial version.
The other thing on my heart is about the season of waiting. We talked about waiting last Friday in our prayer group. The things we talked about expressed ideas I had never put to words before, so most of these words are not my own. Basically, we think waiting is a trial and a bad thing. In our fast food culture, the idea that waiting could be a good thing is absurd. Yet the Bible says it is. “Wait patiently on the Lord.” “Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.” The children of Israel waited 40 years in the wilderness before entering the promise land. If they had gone directly in, they would not have been ready. Their enemies would have squished them. The waiting seemed like a trial, but it was for their good. I thought about a pregnant woman. She longs to hold her child. I would guess nine months is a long time to wait. But if that child were to come any faster, it would be too weak to live. Apply that to your own life. If God were to let me have the things I want to have now, be the things I want to be now, or do the things I want to do now I would not be able to survive. I am not prepared for those things, although I feel ready. An amazing thing that sticks out to me is that God was committed to bring Israel into the promise land. That commitment meant waiting.
God is committed to making me who He desires me to be so I can do the things He has planned for me. That commitment means that for now I’m here doing things that feel irrelevant and insignificant to me. I go around this whirlwind again tomorrow, the next day, week, and as far as I see in the future. But I’m content to do it; because in this waiting for God to do some “big thing” in my life, He is maturing me and strengthening me to do the “big thing” that He has planned from the beginning of time. My life does have a purpose, and right now the purpose of my daily life is to get ready. So I’ll ride this twister, sing around the merry-go-round, and plod around the wilderness again. I have peace in my heart because I know that with each monotonous task and each time my heart turns to God, I am growing into who He’s created me to be!
