From grumpy to humility

Earlier today I was reading Robin’s blog  where she mentioned being grumpy and I wondered when it would hit me.  Well I didn’t have to wait long!  I could hardly bring myself to say a word at work tonight, and now I’m afraid if anyone disturbs me I might just bit their head off.  That’s definitely not the character God is trying to build in me.  But I’ve asked Him to teach me humility, and seeing my grumpy sinful heart keeps me desperate for Him.  Earlier today I was able to spend several hours studying Song of Solomon, and it relates to this.  That’s one amazing book!

Quiet Friendship

Today has been the most wonderful start to this fast.  My whole schedule was cleared, there was absolutely nothing I had to do!  It was a rare occasion, so I seized the opportunity to spend the day in my bedroom, armed with Bible, journal, Pursuit of the Holy, the Rewards of Fasting, and Mick Bickle’s teaching on the Song of Solomon.  It’s been wonderful.

It Begins Tonight!

Tonight is the beginning of the 40 day fast, and the 40 day count down to 100 thousand people joining to pray in Nashville.  I am so excited about what God is doing in my life and in the nation!  I have great expectancy for Him to move, to rain Holy Spirit down upon our churches and to breath His breath of life on our hearts.

Daily Goals Before God

Tonight was the prayer cast where many Christian leaders gathered to launch the 40 day fast leading up to the Call Nashville.  It was amazing to watch online and join our small group in Tennessee with people praying around the country.  The fast begins in 2 days, and I have been trying to prepare myself.  Everyone has said to set clear goals for the fast.  About a month ago, when I first got sucked into reading blogs, Shawn Blanc had a project for setting daily goals for maturity in God.  It’s been in the back of my mind since then, trying to figure out what my goals would be.  Finally I sat down and wrote out some thoughts.  I don’t know how these will live out, but they are my goals for the next 40 days, and hopefully many more after that.

The Storm

Where is truth found?  Is it in the textbooks of universities, or the experiments of scientists?  Is it in the ruling of courts and the doctrines of men?  Where is it found when your world falls apart?  When the storm presses in and the sea rages around, everything thing churns, flips, spins, shifts.  Is there an absolute, anything solid to cling to?  All beliefs, hopes, securities are but the railing of the ship, a ship that spins like a top.  There is no end to the raging monster tossing it around, the sea of life consumes it.  Is there a rock jutting up towards the sky?  Is there solid ground in this expanse of water?  There must be!  Because those who have gone before say that there is.  Their story tells us that the Rock offers refuge, relief from battling the sea.  They say it is worth fighting the storm so that on the other side you can cherish the Rock of Protection.  Without the storm as a contrast, you would not know the peace found in standing firm.  The battles of life are worth it because when you find the place of peace, the Rock of Salvation, then you will know what it means to be protected and the power of Him who saves you.  He is the only One that makes sense in the darkest storms.  So fight.  Fight hard towards the Rock, battle the storm until God gives you the peace of finding that He is your Refuge and you cannot be moved.

 “I will love You, O Lord, my strength.  The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust… I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies… In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears… He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters… The Lord was my support.  He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me… The Lord lives!  Blessed be my Rock!  Let the God of my salvation be exalted.”  Psalm 18

I wrote this out of tears and a heart breaking for so many of my friends.  It’s disillusioning to see those you love in the middle of a storm and not know how to help them.  I watched this movie tonight about a fishing ship caught in the middle of a hurricane.  The boat was tossed and turned until you hardly knew which way was up.  Everything spun and nothing was stable.  The imagery is perfect for what I see my friends going through.  I want to help people in that situation, some how to point them towards the solid ground.  But I’m just beginning to find it in my own storms.  All I can do is write and proclaim that Jesus is the only solid ground. 

Fighting in the Mind

In the previous post, Importance of Holiness, I said that next I would talk about how to live it out and fight the mental battle of purity.  But I’ve realized since then that I really don’t have many original ideas, I just have the testimony that it works!

The best thing in the battle for my mind has been to pray in the Spirit as much as possible.  Praying constantly for a week has brought up so many issues in my life that I’m now dealing with, and freed me to love God more fully.  I’m so in love with Holy Spirit!  He is the very person of God living inside of me.  He is always near, always loving, always encouraging, and always leading me back to God’s heart.

So the testimony I want to share happened about a week ago.  Basically I had an argument with my dad, yelled, and went away feeling worthless.  So many painful memories had been triggered and my heart felt broken.  I was consumed with anger, half at my dad and half at myself just for feeling angry.  My world was spinning and I had nothing to cling to.  After half an hour of trying to calm down and crying out to God for help, I remembered a blog I had recently read about saying no to entertaining thoughts that lead to sin.  I recognized at that moment that I had the choice to meditate on my anger, or surrender it to God.  The blog had said in that moment of decision to say the name of Jesus out loud, then pray in tongues.  I knew that turning to God in that very moment was my only choice.

When I began saying the name Jesus, it was like light shining on the darkness of my heart and exposing the filth.  My anger was so strong and I could tangibly feel it clash with the name Jesus.  I’m not sure if I have ever felt such a battle rage within me, but I forced myself to keep saying His name.  Then I prayed in tongues.  In tuning myself with the Spirit of God, I could feel how I had quenched Him.  But I could also feel Him weeping with me.  Some how, His tears led me back to the Father’s tender heart of love.  He touched my heart and healed my pain.  God’s faithfulness proved stronger than the anger which had held me bound moments before.

That is the faithfulness of Holy Spirit, to be near even when we have defiled ourselves.  In those times, He comes in tenderness and leads us back to God.  The only suggestions I have that will help win the battle in your mind is to turn to God in prayer during the moment of temptation.  He will be there, even if you feel filthy and separated from Him by your sins.  He is faithful.  He is near.  Say His name for there is power in the name of Jesus!

Fears of Fasting?

I was reading Shawn Blanc’s blog today, and he asked what everyone’s fears are of fasting.  My first thought was that I don’t really have any.  With the 40 day fast Lou Engle  has called rapidly approaching, I realized it’s important to consider what I truly believe about fasting.  In my head I know it’s a good thing, and I have experienced the beauties of it when I fast on occasion.  But if I’m not afraid of fasting, then why don’t I do it?

I think for me it must be the fear of failure.  In fact, I think the fear of failure is a huge stronghold in my life.  I chose not to participate in so many things with the fear that I will mess up or not follow through to the end.  This has hit me hard in my walk with God.  I have trouble committing to a Bible study plan because I’m afraid of abandoning the plan.  I don’t schedule out times to pray with the same fear eating at my subconscious.  But the biggest place that fear has come in is with fasting.

So now that I recognize this fear, what should I do?  I guess I should start by renewing my mind to see things the way God does.  If I do fail on a fast, break it early on, and don’t pick it back up, it was still important to God.  He saw my heart and my desire to fast although I didn’t follow through.  It was not a failure in His eyes, but another step towards loving Him unreservedly.  He rejoices in the weak movement of my heart towards Him.  Maybe with this in mind I can overcome my fear of fasting.

Importance of Holiness

This past month, I have been trying to live a life that is pleasing to God.  That means living holy unto Him.  Yeah, I have tried to live for Him most of my life, but it’s something amazing to take it to the next level.  The battleground has really been my mind.  Realizing that my thoughts in each moment count to God and trying to keep my mind fixed on Him has been a challenge.  So here are some of my thoughts on living a life pleasing to God.

We have been commanded by God to live lives of holiness, set apart from the word.  But we live in a country submersed in unrighteousness.  On every side, we are surrounded by things that try to take our eyes off God.  We have gotten used to it thinking that it’s ok we are distracted by these things.  After all, our Christian friends do the same things.  We pray and spend time with God, so it’s all good!  Right?

Well no, it is not alright.  There are reasons that God has called us to be set apart from the world.  We are called to know Him and live a life walking with Him in holiness.  But our sinful nature is in opposition with Him, holding us back from perfect Love.  Our struggle with sin should not discourage us, for in this struggle there is great opportunity.

Firstly, we have a chance to show God our love and give Him a gift.  As we fight sin, we are sacrificing things out of love for Him, and He loves our sacrifice.  He is worthy of wonderful gifts, and we have nothing to give Him except a life set a part and devoted to knowing Him in holiness.

Secondly, when we acknowledge the areas where we struggle and begin to fight for victory, we come to the end of our strength.  It is so important that we realize how weak we are.  Not only does that work humility in us, but it also teaches us to trust completely in the power of God.  God’s power conquered sin and death on the cross; can it not also conquer the sin in your life?  A powerful verse for people contending against the sin is 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”  When we reach the end of our strength, God’s perfect strength will come through for us.

This leads up to the third point, as we struggle with sin, we learn God’s faithfulness.  When we trust completely in Him, He will always come through for us.  That may not always look the way we expect.  Sometimes His faithfulness will come through after we have stumbled and sinned.  When our conscious is seared and we feel as though we have failed, God’s faithfulness will appear in love and mercy.  He is faithful to forgive us time and time again, never angry or disappointed that we have sinned, but always ready to forgive in love.

The best part of a life contending against sin is the freedom it brings to our hearts.  We become alive on the inside and freed to love God and enjoy God’s love.  It is an adventure lived out moment to moment.  Jesus becomes a part of our daily lives and it is wonderful! 

It’s easier to talk about the importance of living for God than how to do that.  Next time I’ll try to share several things that have helped me in living it out. 

Please be patient!

I’m new to the whole blogging world.  I originally created a blogger account but quickly decided that wordpress is a better choice!  So now I’m here and trying to learn my way around.  I have a lot on my heart to write, and I promise they won’t all be as long as the first posts (maybe).  So if anyone wants to give me tips, feel free.  Enjoy my blog!